Journey to my "Authentic Self"

Post mkmma – month 1

Approximately 12 hours from now I will be on a plane making my way to Kauai, Hawaii!!! I’ve always wanted to go and just never had the opportunity…until now 🙂

There are many, many things I could worry about and think “what if…”, but none of them serve any purpose for my true self whatsoever…SO I will let go – and let God 100% on this venture. I’ve planned and prepared as best as I know how – I have no idea what to really expect, but I KNOW whatever it is is going to be absolutely amazing!

I’ve decided to promise myself that I would fully ‘unplug’ and be engaged in each precious moment I get to spend with the wonderful mkmma members I’ve grown to know and love over the past few months. Starting at 12am Monday morning up until Friday at 11:59pm Hawaii time, all of my electronic devices will be shut down and unplugged. I will keep written journal and bring a few books along to enjoy in my spare time, but all time outside of that with my classmates will be spent in SILENCE.

It’s going to be a powerful experience, no doubt. I promise to share everything when I return home!

Until then…

Love & Blessings,

~LB

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I used to think our existence in such an evil, unpredictable, irrational place was this cruel joke we call life.

I used to feel like so much of all that we go through it pointless – wasted time and energy.

I used to wander around this world aimlessly and typically follow suit with the rest of the crowd.

I used to imitate others so precisely and blindly because I had no clue who I really was as an individual.

I used to believe all the above was just that way things are and would forever be.

The person who thought and felt that way, believed those things, and behaved in said manner no longer exists. She is an absolute stranger to me, but I know she was not alone in the way she perceived herself and her surroundings.

I finally know who I truly am. And even though there is still much to learn, I wake up excited to partake in all the activities that come my way. I am not a victim—I am a creator!

Now that I know that…this is only the beginning.

A quick recap of this beautiful journey thus far:

 Today I begin a new life!
And I make a solemn oath to myself that nothing retards my new life’s growth!

I greet this day with love in my heart!
Henceforth I look on ALL things with love and I am born again!

I persist until I succeed!
I greet the new sun with confidence that this is the best day of my life!

I am natures greatest miracle!
I am the end product of thousands of years of evolution and I proclaim my uniqueness to the world!

I live this day as if it is my last!
And if it is not, I shall fall to my knees and give thanks!

Today I am master of my emotions!
I make my own weather and I transport it with me!

I will laugh at the world…
And with my laughter all things will be reduced to their proper size—this too shall pass…

Thank you Mark J and the Fab D! Thank you to the entire MKMMA team! Thank you to all the amazing guides-especially my guiding light, the lovely Lydia! And an extra special thank you to my awesome big sis for introducing me to these wonderful people!

I don’t know about you, but I know that I know that I KNOW that our future is going to be filled with phenomenons beyond our wildest imaginations. I can’t wait 🙂

Peace & Blessings,

~LB

As I was driving home one evening, I came up over the hill just before my house and suddenly noticed the gorgeous, glowing full moon staring me in the face. I was confused at first; it was so large and brilliant, I almost mistook it for the sun. Captivated by this sight, I continued driving towards it so unconsciously as if it was calling to me somehow. Once I reached the end of the road, all the trees parted into an open field and without a cloud in the sky, I could appreciate every bit of its fullness in plain view. I remember turning the corner thinking ,”I have to get closer!”…then something hit me, and I snapped back into reality with a,”wait, you can’t get any closer silly!”. I had passed my home, forgotten all the things I needed to take care of, and completely lost track of time…

This beautiful memory sums up my experiences over the past few weeks perfectly. Something wonderful grabs my attention like a calling and I surrender to it as best as I can. I experience the journey until something brings me back to reality and then continue on my way. It’s almost like I’ve been going through a full cycle of the hero’s journey every single week. The intense fluctuations in all areas of my life have been such a fantastically mind-blowing whirlwind, allowing me to practice the A LOT method: Learn, Observe, Think – as well as many other mkmma related methods. I’d like to share a little snippet of a post I began writing at a fairly angry point in the abyss one week:

We are a nation of spoiled, neurotic, greedy, insatiable, worriers…and by we I specifically mean the United States, but I’m sure this could probably span across the majority of humans currently in the world. We want more of this…gotta have that…this isn’t good enough…oh what about that?!…mine is better than yours!…oh no, what am I gonna do without this?…I need a better one!…give me this…I want that…MORE, MORE, MORE, MINE, MINE, MINE, Oh. Em. Gee. (OMG, for those of you not familiar with an elongated version :)—and ‘oh my gosh’ for those who still have no idea what that means lol!)

As you can see, I was in a very intense space (but not without a little humor)…..then I realized that although everything I said may be true, it cannot be eliminated by creating more of the things I was complaining about; it can only be eliminated by creating more L-O-V-E. When I emerged from this, I was lead down a path that I first ventured after reading a great post by a fellow MKMMAer. A huge thank you to Maria for setting off the chain reaction of this discovery! We focus a ton on the mind – our brains, and that’s important…but there is 1 thing that’s also just as important if not more, and that is the heart. Here lies the treasure in my chest (with an ‘x marks the spot’ by the cross around my neck!)

I was drawn to a fairly new book called The Power of the Heart by Baptist de Pape while browsing the library a few weeks ago. Baptist shares a very inspirational story of how the idea of this book came about and the amazing journey he took to create it. It’s a fairly quick read, but I recently finished it and ended up purchasing it to add to my ‘pick me up’ library which I always run to in times of ‘despair’ to refocus my thoughts and lift my spirit.

Because we are spiritual beings inhabiting a physical body and not the other way around, it is impossible for us rely on our thoughts alone to attain any sort of happiness or success in the way we’ve grown to understand the true meaning of those terms. While the brain controls the physical reality, the heart controls the sight unseen…it already knows what’s missing and what is needed—it already knows everything! If you’d prefer a more scientific point of view on the topic Spirit Science does a pretty darn good job of explaining it from that perspective.

What I love about MKMMA is that it addresses the right now issue which is the mind; and it teaches us to gain a greater awareness of it’s power. Once you get to a point where you are able or desire to go deeper than the mind, you find the heart. They’ve done a great job of sneaking it in here and there from day one by encouraging us to attach feelings to everything 🙂

Brain:Mind:Thought—Heart:Soul:Feeling

So how do you listen to and hear what the heart is trying to share when the brain is usually so loud?!

In the sits…the quiet…meditation…silence.

I haven’t been able to do my 2-3 days of silence due to promises and commitments that I always keep, BUT believe me, I can’t wait to do so! It’s interesting to me that so many people don’t like to be alone and are sometimes even afraid of what it’ll be like to be absolutely by yourself. Personally, I love spending time with people and being social just as much as I enjoy being alone and having my ‘me time’. Anyway – since I still wanted to try and get as much silence in as I possibly could for the time being, I came up with a few tricks that have done wonders:

1. Put my phone on silent at all times outside of work hours.
This way, I’m not distracted from whatever I’m doing by the sounds or vibration of my phone—it can wait

2. Minimal use of other electronic devices
Little to no tv, computer, ipad, ipod, radio, you name it—other than what was necessary for work of course

3. Minimal social interaction
Spending very little time with actual people or communicating with them—again, excluding work

I basically unplugged from life as we know it which was surprisingly easy actually. The only difficult part for me was not having any music…I am a musicolic! I typically listen to music first thing in the morning, on the way to work, while I’m actually working, when I go to the gym, at social gatherings, and especially when I’m home getting chores and busy work done. The beautiful part was being so much more aware of the world around me when I’m not using music to tune it out…but what’s even more interesting is that I would often times end up making my own music by singing and tapping or the such throughout my days -it was quite amusing!

What I discovered during my silence:

-Music is my life 🙂
-I love my ‘me time’
-An idea for a new book!
-lots of health epiphanies…

But the #1 thing I had a huge awakening to was the fact that I do not completely trust and believe in myself. Ouch.

I’ve been moseying along our little journey relating everything to how I interact with and view the world. I think I’ve been doing a great job altering my thoughts and perspectives on the external world, but I haven’t done as thorough of an examination on my deeply internal world. I love and accept people just as they are with no judgement, but when it comes to myself, not so much. I doubt myself all the time and I’m most comfortable behind the scenes, but I’ve known for a while that that is not my destiny or mission in this life. I’ve been making excuses, wasting time and energy trying to focus on everyone and everything other than myself. I am supposed to do amazing, wondrous, phenomenal things in this world. It’s even difficult for me to sit here and type this without feeling egotistical, but I know this is spirit talking and not ego.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world, there is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We were all mean to shine as children do. It’s not just in some of us, it’s in every one. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” -Coach Carter (Marianne Williamson: A Return to Love)

When I get this…it will be a game changer. When I break through this…I will emerge with power beyond measure.

I cannot fail. Failure doesn’t exist. And every win means that much more service to the world.

As I obtain the key to unlock the treasure in my chest, my world – our world, will blossom into its true beauty!

I’d like to close this post with my purpose statement from the bliss workshop I mentioned some weeks back. The more I evolve, the more it grows on me…the more I see it’s truth, the more I love it 🙂

I am the musical healing bright light of love who opens spirits with tears of transformation that dreams appreciation and collaboration of the imagination.

Love & more Love,

LB

Week 21: the other side

Today has been such a beautiful day!!! Not a single thing had gone the way I planned and it’s been SO amazing that everything is A-OK and great regardless!

Today I’ve had a glimpse of what the world is going to be like on the other side of this turbulence I’ve been experiencing. I was late to a meeting (and I’m ok), I’ve been instructed to do an uncomfortable task for work (and I’m ok), my shawl was SO wrinkled (and I’m ok), I forgot my lunch (and I’m ok), my white car is SUPER dirty from all the snow (and I’m ok), the list goes on and on and on…..THIS IS SO FANTASTIC!!!

The overload from last week has definitely continued in to this week, but unlike last week, the stress and anxiety has miraculously dissipated!?!?! And I feel more and more miracles on the horizon 🙂

On the other side of that horizon lies the place I haven’t been able to dream of and visualize as of yet, but I feel it in my soul…what my mind can’t quite grasp, my heart already knows and is trying to teach me.

This feeling right now; I could live with this forever. On the other side of the chaos, I will live this life forever! There’s still a ton of work to do snd I refuse to slack off now…as a dear friend once said “the point of no return was crossed long ago” so there’s no going back!

I hope you can feel all the excitement and energy on the other side of this screen…and I hope you’re experiencing your very own miracles as well 🙂

Gratitude & Miracles,

~LB

Week 20: Overload

Something HUGE is about to happen.

I can’t tell what exactly…but it’s going to be MASSIVE.

This has been a week of overload for me. I wasn’t able to make the webinar sunday nor my team call on monday. I completely forgot about one of my MMA’s yesterday and another very special one has begun to grow in a way I never could have imagined. Work is picking up very quickly as the summer approaches and requests throughout my community are bombarding me for my services. Physically I’ve felt drained and achy like all my energy is being sucked out of me from my environment and I can’t replenish it fast enough. It’s like my body is telling me to slow down if not to stop some things completely, but I need it to try and compromise with me instead of this “force quit” mode it’s in at the moment. Multi-sensory perception is at an all time high so I’m feeling every single emotion as it comes, but at the same time they have no power over me…they only have the power that I give them so I’m in complete control of that aspect. Spirit and my connection to all things has brought some very interesting matters to my attention and I’m having some difficulty processing it all. The silence is where I’m reminded that everything is as is should be with me, but I haven’t received any feedback lately so I must continue to practice patience.

As the date to my first DMP goal approaches,  it’s like the universe has no choice but to make it happen, come hell or high water. It’s all hurling at me because this is what I asked for…this is what I want and need to continue moving forward down the best path for me in life. It feels amazing not to be worried or afraid of anything that may seem to be spiraling out of control from an outside perspective…but from where I’m standing, all is well.

Faith.

Trust.

Love.

~LB

 

 

Week 19: Finding Me

I just finished watching Finding Joe and I was pleasantly surprised when I realized I had already seen a few snippets throughout the movie. The story of Joseph Campbell is truly a fantastic and very inspirational one, there’s no doubt about that. If I didn’t have a million things on my plate already, I’d do more digging into Mr. Campbell and his studies/findings, there were plenty of topics throughout the movie that I found fascinating and would like to know more about. Ah well — I’m sure the opportunity will present itself when its needed 🙂 So there were 3 main points that stood out to me the most in the movie. 1) Josephs creation of ‘the hero’s journey’ 2) finding you bliss 3) what is fear, and how do you conquer it?

1) Josephs creation of ‘the hero’s journey’

I love Josephs interest in all the different cultures and various mythologies. I completely identify with him in that regard; researching, watching, even living within all the cultures of this world is one of my most favorite things to do. I like to learn about the differences, but more importantly just like Joe, I search for similarities. It’s through those commonalities that his idea of the hero’s journey was born. I definitely think this could be a huge building block to the work I’m beginning to feel like I’m meant to do.

2) Finding you bliss

I did a wonderful ‘bliss workshop’ with my team that provided a bit more clarity, BUT I still haven’t been able to quite see things crystal clear. All the other questions we’re asked to help us discover our bliss don’t really provide me with a strong enough foundation to start from unfortunately. What do I love? Far too many different things…What do I enjoy doing? again, far too many different things! If I had unlimited time and money to do whatever I wanted: I would travel the world learning as much as possible, meeting amazing people, tasting great food, exploring, and imagining…I’d design and construct houses and buildings everywhere; I’d create a means of transportation that could transition or be converted into something I could use in water, land, and/or air; I’d film everything and take amazing pictures to share with all the friends I’d make along the way…SO MUCH! The only question I have to toss out the window is ‘if you knew you were going to die tomorrow, what would you do?’, because I’d jump on a plane to spend it with a man that I love but know is not “the one”. My choice of not settling would be irrelevant if their was only one day left so yea… :/

3) What is fear, and how do you conquer it?

I feel like I’ve been making excellent progress with fear! The turning point for me was hands down realizing that fear truly does not exist…it’s an illusion and any time or place where I perceive it as being present, it is because I have created it. Just as soon as I see or feel the ‘fear’ creeping up, I don’t fight it anymore. This is the reason why I appreciate what the movie had to say about fear. They specifically say to STOP FIGHTING…acknowledge it, face it, move through it, and learn from it. It is only when we stop fighting that ‘dark’ part of ourselves and learn to LOVE it regardless of the notion we attach to it that any ‘fear’ can be permanently eliminated, i.e. discovering it’s fake! I think this is the first time I/we’ve ever seen this ‘love fear’ concept, but it really makes sense to me…I dig it 🙂

Until next time guys—

Peace & Love

~LB

Week 18: I think I feel…

I think I feel angry because of the many choices we’ve made as a human race that have left us where we are today.

I think I feel excited about what the impending awakening will do for not only our species, but the entire world.

I think I feel sad that so many people are unable to see the truth for their own individual reasons.

I think I feel grateful to be a part of such an amazing community that’s doing the most important work we can do.

I think I feel frustrated by this space filled with fogginess that I’m not getting through as quickly as I want to.

I think I feel relieved that I have the power within me to move forward and make progress each and every day.

I think I feel confused by all the different paths and limitless possibilities that are more available than ever.

I think I feel peaceful when my surroundings aren’t able to alter or affect the radiant love that fills my entire being.

I think I feel disappointed in the misuses of our wonderful creative ability, especially by those who are aware of it.

I think I feel joyous in knowing that the time we are living in is unlike any other throughout human history.

I think I feel overwhelmed by the infinite options I have for what I can do with my life and be as a person.

I think I feel…I think I feel…I think I feel…I think I feel…I think I feel…I think I feel…I…think…I…feel…..

The best part about all of this is that no matter how I think I feel at the time…

I KNOW I AM always: whole, perfect, strong, powerful, loving, harmonious, and happy 🙂

Love & Patience,

 ~LB

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